cows lah

 
 

India

You have two cows. What you mean you have two cows? they're sacred fool! Leave the cow alone.


American

You have one male cow, and one female cow, no more, no less, but you downloaded them from Kazaa. It is always inexplicably hot, and your taste in music is cheesy '70s disco, only with less notes. All of your cows are blond, and enjoy drinking milk extremely slowly.


Israeli

You have two cows. One you give to the government to protect you, and the other is blown up because you accidentally left it in a public place. The third is taken by the government, and given to the Shas party in return for 3 votes on the Cow referendum about where the cows are coming from.

Japanese

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are half the size and produce 10 times the milk. 10 years later you will finally sell them to Americans.

Korean

You have two cows. One goes crazy and creates a socialist paradise, before deciding that all other cows must die and deploying nuclear force. It eats the uranium and swells to a godlike magnitude before blowing corned beef all over the Orient. A round Korean man laughs at you and digs a trench. Your other cow begins to cry and you must console your cow by giving it skin care products that you have had to smuggle from China. The Chinese government takes both your cows and denies claims that their skin care products are made from chinks.



Palastine

You have two cows. The Ottomans pretend to own your cows, but actually don't. Britain comes in, takes your cows and gives them to Israel. You call in all the neighboring countries to get them back but Israel kicks the crap out of them and takes their cows too. Israel offers to give one cow back, but you blow them up out of spite. Now all the cows are dead and you and Israel are blowing each other up on a regular basis

England

You've two cows. They go mad
.
Russian

You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count your cows and learn you have 5 cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.



Singapore

You have two cows lah. You are fined by the Singapore goverment for keeping two unlicensed animals in your apartment